This has been something I've gone back and forth about posting for a while. Many close friends and family know what I am about to say, But having been married for a few years people who may not know me as well keep asking and to be honest.... I didn't know how to respond... So most of the time I didn't, so now it is my turn to speak up.
I know that I personally get annoyed when I see friends constantly complaining over social media so I made it a goal to never post a complain status again, So please don't take this as a complain post but as a post to maybe help someone else who is going through the same thing as me, maybe help them feel not so alone or embarrassed, or teach others a little bit about what some of us go through to have a family. So here it is....
I am infertile.
Infertility means you cannot make a baby (conceive). Infertility is grouped into two categories: Primary infertility refers to couples who have not become pregnant after at least 1 year of unprotected sex (intercourse). The other category is if a woman can get pregnant but keeps having miscarriages or stillbirths, that's also called infertility.
When I got married at 18 we decided to wait to get pregnant. We loved our time together we loved being able to go wherever whenever. But soon after I had this impression that we were supposed to start a family. I thought this can't be right! I was so young. But we decided to go with it! I thought that because I had this prompting that it would happen so easily for me and that I would be like most of my friends and it would happen fast.... But 3 months In I wasn't pregnant. I started to freak out. I went to dr's who told me not to be worried. They give you statistics that are supposed to make you "feel better" but it only made it worse. Every month was like a ticking time bomb. "Only one more month til I'm considered infertile" I would think to myself. I didn't feel like it was fair. I would think to myself "I'm so young I'm supposed to be able to get pregnant" but that's not how it goes. It isn't fair. But what can I do? I go to the appointments and they all say the same thing. "your young! enjoy your time alone, relax, take a vacation" Ive heard it all...
So here I am. Officially "infertile" and I just want to let everyone know, That it is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I cry all the time. I feel like a crazy women. Mother's Day is the most dreaded day of the year for me. I feel lonely all the time, my heart feels broken. And people try to tell you all the same things to try to get pregnant. Trust me when I say that if relaxing was all I had to do then I would probably have 10 kids already. But I also want to let everyone know that as an "infertile" woman. I don't hate anyone who gets pregnant before me. I don't need you to try to hide it to spare my feelings. I'm so happy for anyone who doesn't have to go through this. Be proud of it! I love babies and I am going to spoil your child rotten!
I want to thank everyone who has been there for me during this trial. Some people don't even know how much they have truly helped me. I appreciate you sharing your testimonies and kind words. I love hearing your success stories if you've gone through the same thing it gives me hope. So thank you for your prayers and thoughts!
I'm so lucky to have my husband who helps me out during all my breakdowns, he's there through all the crappy hormonal highs and lows that come with fertility meds and he's there to hold me and say a prayer when I need him. I love him so much! I know this isn't easy for him either but he doesn't discredit my pain, or make it about him. He is strong enough for both of us. Love you Landon!
Id also like to say how blessed we all are to live in a world with great Drs and medicine where it's at right now! I've been lucky enough to take chlomid for the last few months and will continue that for another 3 months then move onto the next step from there if I don't have success. Chlomid (clomiphene) is a non-steroidal fertility medicine. It causes the pituitary gland to release hormones needed to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg from the ovary).
I pray it works for me! But if not I have not lost all faith and I know that someway or somehow I will be a mother!
Lastly I want to share my testimony because the gospel is so important to me and this trial I am going through would be much more treacherous if I had no where to turn. The Lord knows my strengths and weaknesses he knows that I can get through this. I know that Christ felt this same pain as I feel now, he understands and he is going to help me feel better again. I am so grateful for prayer and answers we receive from praying. I'm grateful for the comfort I get from praying when I feel alone. I'm so grateful for eternal marriage and knowing that someday when I do have a family I will get them forever. And I am thankful for my knowledge of heaven. I know that my future children are looking down onto us, I know they are being saved for the perfect time and we will be more than ready when that time come. I am grateful for gods plan, even when it's not completely how I want it to go. I believe The Lord prompted me to try starting my family young because he knew it wouldn't happen right away. I also know The Lord loves each and every one of us even when we feel like the trials we have aren't fair. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.
If you have any questions about infertility, about my journey, or my religion ask away!
Thank you for reading! Love,
Stacey Hall
https://www.lds.org/?lang=eng
