My goodness it has been a while. I've wanted to write and fill everyone in on our progress for a while now but it just seemed a bit too personal. Now the world knows we are FINALLY pregnant and I could not be more excited I literally prayed, cried and begged for this everyday for 3.5 years. I am SO grateful.
In February 2015 I updated everyone on our progress. Soon after, we decided to get Landon checked out as well. Things didn't check out so well and my life flip turned upside down. In an instant I lost my faith. How could two people who have done everything right have so many things go wrong, at this point they said our option was to try doing an IUI (some people know it as artificial insemination). We kept going and trying but eventually needed a break. Mentally we needed to find us again and be happy. My life had become "infertility" when my next appointment was, what medicine I had to start today, when to start testing. I felt as though no one even knew what else to talk to me about! Probably because it's all I talked about so it's what they knew about me and how they tried to stay connected with me. A break was one of the best things we could have done! It isn't exactly easy, you still feel the pain and want of infertility, but without the demands of all that is required of you during treatments. In our extra time we started exercising, we got our fur baby Captain and we spent a lot of time outdoors! Taking a break is not giving up.
Fast forward March 2016 we decided it was time to start treatments again. EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING went wrong for months. In March both my grandma and Landon's grandpa got sick and went downhill quickly we decided spending time with them and our families was more important. April approached and we said goodbye to our beloved grandparents within 12 hours of each other. With the timing of funerals and family gatherings April didn't happen either but nothing could stop us again right? May came around and right as the medication cycle was about to begin I felt a large lump in my breast. I had something similar happen at 16 and again at 19 bother check out to just be irregular breast tissue but with my moms history of breast cancer I always get checked out. Our infertility specialist advised us not to go forward with treatment until we had answers. I had a breast exam that was inconclusive an ultrasound and a mammogram and was finally cleared (phew). In all this craziness our infertility specialist suggested we get Landon checked again because his last test had been over a year before and he had been taking supplements to help increase his numbers so we obviously hoped for the best but then the news came and things had somehow gotten dramatically worse and they said not even an IUI would work. We decided that maybe all these roadblocks had been blessings in disguise because we would have done the procedure and not know things had actually been too bad to work! Our Dr suggested that we try to qualify for an experimental study they were holding for IVF this study would make a cycle little to no cost ($15000 worth!) sadly or maybe miraculously we didn't get accepted into the trial.
During the testing process to get into the IVF study our dr suggested that we just try an IUI. Landon was not too keen on the idea he didn't understand why the Dr who had told us a month earlier that and IUI was no longer a good option would now be suggesting it, I pushed for it I just wanted something to hope for. We couldn't afford IVF and it would be another year or so before we could and I just couldn't handle that. So because he loves me we did it. THAT WAS STRESSFUL. I felt so responsible, what if I made the wrong decision?!. We started the medications June 27th and on July 9th the big day came for us to do the IUI, then the hard 2 week wait. I'll admit I didn't wait and that was a bad idea. On July 20th I woke up early and I couldn't get all the thoughts out of my head. I had to check! (Landon was asleep) so I snuck and tested. It turned out negative and I couldn't even be in the house a second longer I did not want Landon to know! I put on my running clothes and at 5 am I went for a 5 mile run, tears streaming down my face the entire time.
July 23rd came and this was the "official" day I was allowed to check. Landon had a fishing trip planned with my oldest brother and my brother in law so they were up at 3 am to leave. I tested with Landon home but used a dollar store test and got what I don't even think I can call a faint line. It was almost non exisistant. We deemed it negative but I just kept thinking how I wasn't so sure. The guys left for their fishing trip and my sister came to spend the day with me and at 3:30 we drove to Walmart to buy the "pregnant, not pregnant" tests. I immediately tested again (am I allowed to say holy shit?) HOLY SHIT it said I was pregnant! We screamed loud and long probably waking up the neighbors. I called Landon 30 times I think but he was out of cell service! Waiting those hours for him to get back seemed like forever!
With all this time we went into planning mode we might as well make it exciting! Britt made the the cutest shirt that said "preggers" and when Landon got home she hid and got photos of Landon trying to figure out what it said as I literally could not contain the tears or form a real sentence. Pretty magical photos if I do say so myself!
If you made it this far, thanks for reading and caring enough to read along! We had so many people praying for us and checking in on us it was amazing. It's crazy to see how many people have come to me for advice and I've loved being there for others as well. I hope the best for you in your journey if you are going through this messy struggle just know I'll be there for you and things have a way of working out. I love you all
Stacey
