Blair Von Hall 5/19/19

The kids are napping so I finally get to sit down and write Blair’s birth story. HA! “The kids?!” That’s still weird to say. So like probably every pregnant women ever, I was SO done being pregnant.  I always said I would never be induced because a baby comes when they are ready and as hard as it was waiting 40+4 days for Madden the labor was so easy. But really. I. WAS. DONE. We schedule my induction date for exactly 39 weeks and I was nervous as heck. On Saturday May 18th I got the call letting me know that I was expected at the hospital around 6:15 A.M. where they would start my labor. Even though I set the date and knew it was coming for weeks nothing could stop me from being nervous! The hours went slow that day and we spent it with Madden just trying to keep busy and enjoy our last time as a family of 3. Finally it was bedtime and I knew i wouldn’t be getting much sleep but we got in bed and started a show just like normal and at 11:30 P.M. I had the most uncomfortable pain ever! I could feel Blair drop down into place and contractions start right away. I had been having Braxton Hicks during most of my pregnancy and obviously having gone through labor once before I knew these contractions were the real deal. I told Landon and he told me to try to get some rest and of course he rolled over and went right to sleep. There was no way I was about to get to sleep now! I hurried and downloaded a contraction timing app and they were each about 8 minutes apart but man, they were STRONG! I laid there and timed them and they jumped from 8 minutes apart to 4 minutes apart without anything in between so I woke Landon up (around 1:30 A.M.) and told him to get up we were ready to go. He got up, texted his mom to let her know so she could come over and be with Madden, and got into the shower. FREAKING MEN! I’m in labor and he needs to shower? Lol. So I got my makeup on and continued to time my contractions. The contractions went from 4 minutes to 2 minutes within 30 minutes and Landon’s mom hadn’t even responded to the text! I called her up and let her know it was go time. The drive to the hospital felt like it was taking forever. I honestly thought I’d be giving birth in the truck. I’m pretty sure we ran 2 red lights... I’m gonna say pretty sure so we don’t get into trouble. We got to the hospital and I couldn’t even wait long enough for Landon to park the car. He dropped me off at the entrance and I ran in. I got checked in and they had no urgency at all which I’m sure is because they deal with crazy pregnant women daily who may or may not actually be in labor. I got checked in at 2:37 A.M. and was dilated to a 6! They ran and got me a room ready and I got the epidural almost instantly. My water hadn’t broken yet and because I needed to have antibiotics before my labor they chose to wait as long as possible until it broke to start me pushing. I could feel so much pressure and I called the nurse in to check me but she wouldn’t because my water wasn’t broken so she told me to call her back when my water had broken. I waited about another hour and I knew my water hadn’t broken yet but the pressure was so strong I called them in again. During the wait Brittany, Landon and I had started making bets at when Blair would be born I guessed 5:45 but around 5:15 when my water hadn’t broken yet I changed my guess but when they came in to check me again from the pressure I was dilated to a 10 and my water didn’t break on it’s own!!! They broke my water and we waited  a couple seconds for my next contraction. Dr Thomas told me to give one big push so I did and she was out! They placed her on my chest and we just sat and bawled. There she was. My girl. No induction needed. This girl knew I was ready to meet her. Blair was 7lbs 8oz and 19.5 inches long. Born at 5:34 A.M. perfect as could be, and honestly has been ever since. I can honestly say the labor is one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever felt. It’s amazing creating a life inside of you, you support them, you feed them, you breath for them and when they come out their spirit meets their body and takes over. I don’t know how long we laid there together but i held her and cried because it’s just amazing that I could do this. That I could ever make something so perfect. Me. An imperfect person. You have to know god is real after giving birth. I don’t know how else you could ever explain it.

I keep thinking about how much music has done for me. I'm sure it the same for many of you but I thought I would just write about it and share. 

Landon and I met in 2012 on a blind date and the first thing we had in common was our taste in music and that did it for me. I remember getting into his car and hearing a familiar song and knew he couldn't be too bad if he was listening to it. My mom and dad always gave me a hard time about my music choices because I like metal and emo/angsty music, I remember my mother making a comment to me soon after I started dating Landon (a cute clean cut man) saying "What would Landon think of you if he heard this music" to my reply "Nothing, he listens to it to!" 

Landon and I play a game whenever we go into the mountains or night drives (which we did a lot of when we dated and before having a baby) We let the shuffle take over and we tell each other a story or a memory that we have associated with each and every song that comes on. Its always been fun to hear what things or experiences we went through that may not have just come up in a regular conversation. Those talks and drives are something I'll always cherish and it is all thanks to music. 

Another thing I love about music is that the words each verse sing can mean something entirely different to each person listening. While going through our struggle with infertility the song "Float On" by Modest mouse could make me cry and cry. It was always a reminder to me that through any trial we could get by and just "Float On" the song talks about people and their small trials but how they just smile and don't let it take them down. I still love this song so much and cry to this day hearing it. "23" by Jimmy Eat World is another song that really gets to me lately. Here are a few lines from that song that really resonant with me "no one else will know these lonely dreams, no one else will know that part of me" Infertility felt like such a lonely thing and so sometimes it was just a "lonely dream" of mine. The line "amazing still it seems, I'll be 23, I won't always love these selfish things" stands out to me because I finally got pregnant and found out 4 days before my 23rd birthday, as most people know, being a parent is the most selfless job, kids take first priority so for me it was like the song was written about me and how I would be 23 soon and would be giving up my selfish lifestyle. I recently attended both of these bands in concert and I'm sure anyone who has been to a concert can agree the fire you feel within during live music is a beautiful thing, especially when they play a song that is so meaningful to you. I feel as though I have a sort of "high" after seeing a band I love and for days I listen to their albums on repeat just to relive those moments. 

Sadly I myself am not a musically talented person and it is something that has always bothered me. I was never put into lessons for any type of instrument and so I feel silly saying that music has saved me many times. That being said I want nothing more than to pass my love of music on to my son and see him heal from heartbreak and get through the trials he may have by playing an instrument or listening to the words of a song. I try my best to sing to him everyday and often find myself in tears from the beauty of the lyrics and I hope he appreciates my efforts. There is nothing I love more than drumming to a song with his little feet and seeing him smile, or singing to him and watching him focus right on me and try to understand the words I say. 

I encourage everyone to go to a concert if you haven't before, listen carefully to the lyrics of your favorite song and think of how you can relate, or try playing the "music game" that Landon and I play on drives. It is so much fun to see where you have been and who you are because of music. 

Madden Joel Hall 4/3/17

It has been 1 month since Madden was born and I've been trying to think of how I could ever write his story down and truly explain how beautiful it was. Maddens birth was perfect. Now I'm not trying to brag but it really was.

Sunday April 2nd, 3 days past my due date I woke up at 12:30 am with some uncomfortable pain different than anything I had ever felt. I honestly thought that I might be getting sick. I kept going back to sleep and waking up every few hours from this odd pain. Around 8 am it dawned on me that these were contractions! It was conference Sunday (for those non LDS readers conference is a big church-wide televised meeting that takes place the first Saturday and Sunday in April and October) so we had plans to have a big breakfast at my parents house and watch the first session then later that day go to Landon's parents house to celebrate his birthday with a family dinner. I decided I wasn't feeling well enough to do all of these things just in case I progressed fast and needed to get to the hospital. I kept it secret because I didn't want to make a big deal about it yet in case it took forever. Landon knew what was happening and of course I had to tell Brittany too(My twin sister). She was so excited she timed my contractions all day. I would text her "go" every time one started and "stop" when they had ended. They were 12 minutes apart at 8 am when I got up and throughout the day remained around the same so I got a little discouraged. We went to Landon's birthday dinner and I tried my best to hide my pain but it was pretty obvious. Brittany continued to time my contractions and by 10 pm they were about 8 minutes apart. I told her to get some rest and I was going to rest too because it had taken all day to get 4 minutes closer it could take another day to get down to 5 minutes. So she went to sleep but then things did go fast: contractions grew stronger and closer and right at midnight they were around 5 minutes so we went to the hospital! We got checked in on 4/3/17 at 12:07am and they started to monitor me. I was 2cm dilated and 90% effaced which was slightly disappointing to hear because that was how I had been for my last 2 weekly checkups. But they could see on the monitors my contractions were close and strong. They monitored me for an hour and if I didn't progress enough they were going to send me home. After 1 hour I had only progressed 1cm. They needed me to progress more before admitting me so Landon and I walked the hallways for an hour. The contractions got so horribly painful in my back I didn't want anyone to see me go through that pain so I tried to hurry and make it around the corner where no one was whenever I could feel one coming on. After an hour they checked me again and I hadn't progressed too much more but just enough for them to admit me! 3.5 cm dilated and 3 am they admitted me into labor and delivery! I remember feeling so anxious that I was shaking. There was only 1 other patient in the labor and delivery unit and when I heard her baby cry for the first time I burst into tears it's like I could feel the sacred energy coming from their room and I couldn't wait for it to enter mine. At this time I hadn't decided if I was going to have the epidural or not, I was in a large amount of pain but I felt like I could handle more, things happened so fast that within an hour of being admitted I decided that I did want the epidural and boy I am glad. It made everything so much more relaxed. At 4 am I got the epidural and I was 4 cm dilated. I kept asking when I was supposed to call my family and the nurses told me it would be hours before anything happened they estimated it would be 9am-12pm before I pushed because I am a first time mom. I tried to get some sleep but it was so hard when you are hooked up to so many beeping monitors. My water broke at 5am and when they checked me again at 6am I had progressed to 9cm! The nurses were all shocked and told me I'd be pushing within an hour! We were in panic because that didn't leave us a lot of time for family to get here! We called our parents and texted our siblings and they rushed there as fast as they could. I also notified the photographer (Madeline Beeton, who was so wonderful and got there so fast) and by 7am everyone was there, I was ready to push we just had to wait for the doctor to get out of a surgery. I started pushing at 7:20 and pushed 3 times with every contraction. 15 pushes and 21 minutes later the most perfect human I have ever met entered this world surrounded by so many people who love him. I initially only wanted Landon and the photographer in the delivery room but with how fast and easy things seemed to go I didn't really mind having all the extra people there. We had both grandmas and 2 of his aunts Brittany and Breanna to witness his miraculous entry. Madden Joel Hall weighed 7lbs 11oz and was 19.5in long, he was covered in the most adorable blonde hair and I fell instantly in love. Labor was much easier than I had expected and I am so glad I had such an amazing experience. I'll never forget seeing him for the first time and feeling that new instant love and thinking I had never felt something so beautiful and strong for anyone, but he was different I had begged for him and I spent 9 months waiting for him and caring for him the best that I could inside of me. I deserved a perfect birth and I deserved this little love in my life. We are so incredibly blessed and have loved having him in our family this last month. He is so incredibly strong and smart I can't wait to see him grow and learn. I am so incredibly lucky to be his mother.

Here are some photos from his birth. Madeline Beeton was the photographer and she did a beautiful job. She shared on her blog a little about her story of losing her precious boy 4 years ago and it drove her to go out of her comfort zone and photograph her first birth (Maddens) I am so thankful she shared her talents with me! With how fast things went I didn't get to soak in the emotions of all our loved ones in the room and now I can look at these and see how truly and unconditionally loved Madden, Landon, and I are. In Madelines blog she called me a badass for fighting through my infertility battle and Giving birth like a champ but she is the real badass for doing something that scared her and is now making her stronger! Thanks Madeline!